Kshanti or the capacity to forbear is one of the important value that we should cultivate.

Human Excellence in Bhagavad Gita. Kshanti  (Forbearance) (13.8)
Kshanti or the capacity to forbear is one of the important value that we should cultivate.

Forbearance makes the mind introspective and strong.

To be forbearing one should be a strong person. A man who is weak is devoid of forbearance and cannot attain anything higher.

We should always try to check this tendency to react or else any passing event will distract and disturb us. In absence of this inner poise, we will have a complaint against everything. ‘This is not okay, that is not okay, they have no sense of punctuality, no cleanliness, and so on’—if we go on complaining like this, there will be hundreds of things to complain about and our life will be in total disarray.

Why should one practice forbearance?

For our own good. If we keep retaliating for all the mistakes others commit, we might end up wiping out the whole world! We have to learn to forbear. If we think over all the mistakes that we have committed in life and if we had been punished for all our mistakes, we would not be living today! We have been forgiven so many times by so many people that matter to us: parents, teachers, neighbours, friends and so on. It is their forbearance that is keeping us alive. Reconciliation, and not revenge, makes us grow and healthy in every way.

We should teach our mind that nobody is perfect; it is okay if someone does a mistake. This means let us give him a chance to learn and improve. This giving a chance is very important. Only strong can forgive and have forbearance. We can lean on the shoulders of a strong man only. Only a strong person can bear the weight of a weak person. The purpose of practising forbearance is to help others to grow. It is like providing temporary support for walking to a man whose foot is injured. To allow others to lean on us means allowing them to take a little advantage of our goodness so that they can outgrow their weaknesses and stand on their feet.

A man of forbearance is aware that one commits mistakes in order to help oneself to learn from them. He knows that the person committing a mistake deserves to be punished but he gives him a chance to improve. For instance, if we do not give money to children, they will not know how to use it, but when we give it, they may misuse it. What to do then? We have to take the risk and give them some money but at the same time keep a watch over them. If we do not take the risk, we will not allow the child to grow. The child may not learn to understand the value of money and its right use and may become either a miser or a spendthrift. So, We have to keep a check on misuse but also give freedom to others. This is the core of the idea of exercising forbearance.

Forbearance is the  absence of desire to retaliate. A Sanskrit saying tells: ‘For a person who has the weapon of forbearance, what could evil people do to him?

This idea is to keep away from all unnecessary conflicts. If you do not take part in a conflict, the conflict simply gets discontinued. A quarrel grows when both the persons keep answering back. Forbearance, however, brings an end to it by breaking the cycle of accusations and retorts. As goes the saying: ‘A fire that falls on a place where there is no grass, gets extinguished of its own'

If we add to the fire of misunderstanding by repeating our mistakes, the fire only grows bigger. Hatred cannot be overcome by hatred. Only forbearance or forgiveness can overcome it. Somebody has to take the responsibility of putting an end to hatred. And this can be done by a strong person and not a weak person. Wherever there is a conflict, responsibility to end it lies with the strong.

Another dimension of forbearance lies in the fact that whenever we are disappointed in life, we feel hurt. A hurt person often behaves in irrational ways. We should understand it and learn to forgive the person who feels hurt and insecure emotionally. It is like a small child who comes home from school and starts kicking his mother. The mother wonders at his behaviour and wants to find out the reason. She thinks of all possible reasons—a quarrel with a friend or scolding by the teacher and so on. She shows all the patience and begins to cuddle the child and asks him the reason. And slowly, comforted and accepted, the child begins to sob and come out with the reason.

If we extend the same motherly approach and understanding towards people who misbehave with us, then we can handle them wisely. This requires much patience and sympathy. When others upset us, it is only mirroring our own personality. They are holding a mirror to us. If we can find out why we are upset or hurt, we will become more understanding and calm.

Forbearance is fundamentally an attitude of understanding towards others. When a child drops something, we do not get angry but if an adult does it, we get angry and react violently. If we can see the same mind of the child inside the adult, grown up body, then we can be quite accommodating and calm.

Again, not to get disturbed by others is rather easy but not to disturb others is quite difficult. We must have so much of control over us that others do not get disturbed by us under any situation. This selfcontrol is true forbearance.

(Based on Vedanta Kesari and other sources
Edited and Condensed by Swami Adhishwarananda)